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Offer available until October 31st ! Learning Japanese is fun, awesome and rewarding! You want to maximise your chances of success, and make learning Japanese as easy and exciting as possible. Do this by making sure you use the most effective methods right from the beginning.


You've eaten at a few Japanese restaurants, seen some anime, hosted an exchange student, and had a Japanese girlfriend. And now, somewhere in the back of your tiny brain, you think that Japanese would be a good language to learn. Hey, you could translate video games! Or Manga! Or even Anime! Pick up Japanese girls, impress your friends! Maybe you'll even go to Japan and become an anime artist!

Sounds like a great idea! Excited and impressed with your new knowledge, you begin to think: "Hey.

Why do you want to learn japanese?

Maybe, just maybeI could do this for a living! Or even major in Japanese! Great Idea, Right? I don't care how many anime tapes you've watched, how many Japanese girlfriends you've had, or books you've read, you don't know Japanese. Not only that, majoring in the godforsaken language is NOT fun or even remotely sensible.

Iraqi war prisoners are often forced to major in Japanese. You get the idea. Or, as is actually the case, NOT studying it. This should be obvious. Despite what many language books, friends, or online tutorials may have told you, Japanese is NOT simple, easy, or even sensical Japanese vocabulary is determined by throwing tiny pieces of sushi at a dart board with several random syllables attatched to it. The Japanese spread these rumours to draw foolish Gaijin into their clutches. Not only is it not simple, it's probably one of the hardest languages you could ever want to learn.

With THREE completely different written languages none of which make sensea multitude of useless, confusing politeness levels, and an absolutely insane grammatical structure, Japanese has been crushing the souls of the pathetic Gaijin since it's conception.

Let's go over some of these elements mentioned above so you can get a better idea of what I mean.

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The Japanese Writing System The Japanese writing system is broken down into three separate, complete, and insane, parts: Hiragana "those squiggly letters"Katakana "those boxy letters" and Kanji "roughly 4 million embodiments of your worst nightmares". Hiragana is used to spell out Japanese words using syllables. It consist of many letters, all of which look completely different and bear absolutely no resemblance to each other whatsoever. Hiragana were developed by having a bunch of completely blind, deaf, and dumb Japanese people scribble things on pieces of paper while having no idea why they were doing so.

The resulting des were then called "hiragana". The prince who invented these characters, Yorimushi "stinking monkey-bush-donkey"was promptly bludgeoned to death. But don't worry, because you'll hardly use hiragana in "real life". Katakana are used only to spell out foreign words in a thick, crippling Japanese accent, so that you'll have no idea what you're saying even though it's in English. However, if you remember one simple rule for katakana, you'll find reading Japanese much easier: whenever something is written in katakana, it's an English word!

How to learn japanese

And sound effects, and Japanese words. Katakana all look exactly the same, and it's impossible, even for Japanese people, to tell them apart.

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No need to worry, because you'll hardly ever have to read katakana in "real life". Kanji are letters that were stolen from China. Every time the Japanese invaded China which was very often they'd just take a few more letters, so now they have an estimated gazillion of them. Kanji each consist of several "strokes", which must be written in a specific order, and convey a specific meaning, like "horse", or "girl".

Not only that, but Kanji can be combined to form new words. For example, if you combine the Kanji for "small" and "woman", you get the word "carburetor". Kanji also have different pronounciations depending on where they are in the word, how old you are, and what day it is.

Learn japanese: the ultimate guide for beginners

When European settlers first came upon Japan, the Japanese scholars suggested that Europe adopt the Japanese written language as a "universal" language understood by all parties. This was the cause of World War 2 several years later. Don't worry, however, since you'll never have to use kanji in "real life", since most Japanese gave up on reading a long, long time ago, and now spend most of their time playing Pokemon.

Politeness Levels Politness Levels have their root in an ancient Japanese tradition of absolute obedience and conformity, a social caste system, and complete respect for arbitrary hierarchical authority, which many American companies believe will be very helpful when applied as managerial techniques. They're right, of course, but no one is very happy about it.

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Depending on who you are speaking to your politeness level will be very different. Politeness depends on many things, such as age of the speaker, age of the person being spoken to, time of day, zodiacblood type, sex, whether they are Grass or Rock Pokemon type, color of pants, and so on. For an example of Politeness Levels in action, see the example below. Japanese Teacher: Good morning, Harry. Harry : Good Morning. Japanese Classmates: gasps of horror and shock The bottom line is that Politeness Levels are completely beyond your understanding, so don't even try.

Just re yourself to talking like a little girl for the rest of your life and hope to God that no one beats you up. Grammatical Structure The Japanese have what could be called an "interesting" grammatical structure, but could also be called "confusing", "random", "bogus" or "evil". To truly understand this, let's examine the differences between Japanese and English grammar.

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English Sentence: Jane went to the school. Japanese grammar is not for the faint of heart or weak of mind. What's more, the Japanese also do not have any words for "me", "them", "him, or "her" that anyone could use without being incredibly insulting the Japanese word for "you", for example, when written in kanji, translates to"I hope a monkey scratches your face off". Because of this, the sentences "He just killed her!

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You are supposed to figure these things out from the "context", which is a German word meaning "you're screwed". When most Americans think of Japanese people, they think: polite, respectful, accomodating. They could also possibly think: Chinese. However, it is important to learn where the truth ends and our Western stereotyping begins. Of course, it would be irresponsible of me to make any sweeping generalizations about such a large group of people, but ALL Japanese people have three characteristics: they "speak" English, they dress very nicely, and they're short.

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Armed with this extensive language knowledge, the children of Japan emerge from school ready to take part in international business and affairs, uttering such remarkable and memorable sentences as "You have no chance to survive make your time", and adding to their own products by inscribing English slogans, such as "Just give this a Paul. It may be the Paul of your life" on the side of a slot machine. Secondly, all Japanese people dress extremely well. This fits in with the larger Japanese attitude of neatness and order.

Everything has to be in its correct place with the Japanese, or a small section in the right lobe of their brain begins to have seizures and they exhibit erratic violent behavior until the messiness is eradicated.

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Sloppiness is not tolerated in Japanese society, and someone with a small wrinkle in their shirt, which they thought they could hide by wearing a hooded sweatshirt over it possibly emblazoned with a catchy English phrase like "Spread Beaver, Violence Jack-Off! Lastly, the Japanese are all short. Really, really short. It's kind of funny. Not ones to leave being tall to the Europeans or Africans, however, the Japanese have singlehandedly brought shoes with incredibly gigantic soles into style, so that they can finally appear to be of actual human height, when in reality their height suggests that they may indeed be closer in relation to the race of dwarves or hobbits.

Japanese culture is also very "interesting", by which we mean "confusing" and in several cases "dangerous".

Kanji / reading

Besides this sense of alienation, Japan also produces cartoons, and a wide variety of other consumer products which are crammed into your face 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The Japanese also like cock fighting monsters that live in your pants, taking baths with the elderly, and killing themselves. Japanese food is what some people would call "exotic", but what most people call "disgusting", or perhaps, in some areas, "whack". Japanese food evolved in ancient days, when the main staple of the diet was rice.

People got so sick and tired of eating rice, in fact, that they ate just about anything else they could find, from seaweed to other Japanese people. This has led to the creation of such wonderful foods as "natto", which I believe is a kind of bean but tastes like battery acid, and "Pocky", which is a stick with different frostings on it, the flavors of which include Sawdust and Strawberry. Despite this variety of foods, however, the Japanese have succeeded in making every single thing they eat, from tea to plums, taste like smokey beef.

As if learning the language wasn't hard enough, Japanese classes in America tend to attract the kind of student who makes you wish that a large comet would strike the earth. There are a few basic types of students that you'll always find yourself running into.

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The writing systems in Japanese are often seen as insurmountable challenge to chose who speak English or use the Latin Alphabet.


If you want to speak Japanese, you will first of all need to define your own Japanese language learning project.


If you follow the instructions in this over the top, step-by-step guide, you will reach your goal of Japanese fluency.