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Two women are toying with sal at a neighborhood restaurant and talking about -- what else? Is this "Sex and the City," with Carrie and Miranda in their Manolo Blahniks and floaty tulle skirts getting together to rehash their sex lives? It's a Mill Valley restaurant where Arlene Davis65, and her lanky friend Evelyn Trainer70, in comfortable clothes and tennis shoes, analyze their own dating scene: that of the suburban over crowd.
Davis is widowed and Trainer divorced, and both are interested in meeting men. Their issues include those facing any singles, from where to meet people to who pays and how soon to fall into bed and whether or not to tie the knot. But they include issues unique to them, from what the children think to worries that their new love will die on them.
One person in 10 in this country is now older than 65, and many face old age alone. More than 70, single adults older than 60 have posted profiles on Match.
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Comtailored for older adults and easy to use. Churches, synagogues, sports, volunteer activities bring people together the sure, but slow, way. Davis chose a personal ad in the Pacific Sun. Over the years she has met lots of men through her ad, which re "Attractive widow, 61, seeking life companion.
She is slender with curly hair and a forthright manner.
You could be stuck at the bedside instead of in it. Everyone could dance, and we went to dances all the time," says Trainer. Now though, there are 10 women for every man at these gatherings, "so unfortunately most of the gals spend the evening holding up the wall, and only the aggressive ones get to dance," she says.
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Davis counts herself among these. I've worked too hard not to have fun now. Women, who usually handled the social calendar back when they were married, can more easily dating than men. But it evens out. Even the most lackluster man finds himself a treasured commodity in this dating scene.
The recently widowed man may find a brigade of women on his doorstep, eager to console him with a home-cooked meal or, these days, a lesson in how to get online. Davis and Trainer say dating men their age has pluses and minuses.
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Older men can be courtly and have good manners, "but they are also used to making decisions," says Davis. One of Davis' dates made a reservation at a Russian restaurant with a limited menu without finding out what kind of food she liked.
On another date, the man glanced at the menu and said grandly, "We'll have the Peking duck," without asking her what she wanted. But when Davis, after making her date a long series of home-cooked meals, asked him to pick up the dinner check, he suggested they split an entree. Jim Lylea handsome year-old bachelor in Lakeport, defends men's dating style.
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She was interested in poetry readings, rock hunting and art, all bell-ringers for my interests. We started the day with breakfast at my expense. Then we went to Copia in Napa, where I paid to enter, and for lunch. Next, we went to the rock beds of the Russian River, where we found some jade, and finished the day with a meal at one of the mini-breweries before attending a poetry reading.
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Between meals, admissions and gas, I spent, in one day, over one-tenth of my monthly Social Security check. I did not ask for her to pay, nor did she mention sex. She did call and thank me for the nice day, though. They are dismayed, she maintains, when a woman wants to talk about her children, and surprised when she wants to talk about politics.
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She adds: "Most women complain that the man talks about himself all the time and never inquires about the woman's interest. But weren't we all taught these moves long ago? Always flatter the gentleman, be jolly and noncritical, and you'll probably get another date, if you want one.
Often older adults do want another date, because they seek love and intimacy. Many hope that will include, as Davis said in her ad, "indoor adventures.
And Viagra? Then I did.
Sex, lies and viagra / dating scene poses a tangle of issues for older singles
Then Viagra became available now, even through the Veterans Administration. No more problem other than the anticipation of preplanning as to when you take the pill. It does work, there is nothing strange, and I find nothing demeaning about taking one medicine to counter the side effects of another. This crowd is not used to taking precautions or swapping sexual histories, but, according to Lewis, rates of HIV are rising for people older than Women think, 'I don't have anything to worry about, because he was married all those years,' but who knows what he was up to?
Sometimes, older people entering new relationships are not eager to share their new joy with their children. Davis brings her cell phone with her when she stays with a boyfriend, in case her daughter calls. The kids can be judgmental or hostile to a new love interest out of fear of being disinherited "the will watchers," Lewis calls them.
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Or, in the case of the frail elderly, they can worry about their parents being taken advantage of by more sophisticated or predatory partners. Like many older people, Davis and Trainer are financially independent, own their own homes and do not see marriage as a goal.
It would be a headache to work out new wills, new beneficiaries. Increasingly what we will see are two independent adults who simply live together, keeping their financial lives separate.
I'm just looking for a solid emotional connection. Chances are good she will find it. Both women have friends in close and satisfying relationships. Davis has, in fact, a date that very night, with a man who has already sent a bouquet of roses. Top shopping picks. What's the deal with this Seinfeld x Lego set? Clean up nice with this portable outdoor shower.