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Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator, relationship coach, and journalist. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. There's a certain connotation when we talk about two people making love as opposed to having sex. But is there any real difference?


7 reasons why love and sex go together

WebMD archives content after 2 years to ensure our readers can easily find the most timely content. How about ? Some college students have cited as many as different reasons for having sex. From pleasure to procreation, insecurity to inquisitiveness -- today's reasons for taking a roll in the hay seem to vary as much as the terms for the deed itself.

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Today, sexual behaviors seem to have taken on many different psychological, social, cultural, even religious meanings. Yet, some sexologists say, at the most basic level, there is only one true reason people seek sex. Carroll, associate Northwestern University psychiatry and behavioral sciences professor says.

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Our brains are deed to motivate us toward that behavior. The idea that humans are hard-wired for sex reflects an evolutionary perspective, according to University of Hawaii psychology professor Elaine Hatfield. Cultures differ markedly in what are considered to be 'appropriate' reasons for having or avoiding sex.

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Why do you seek sex? Motivations generally fall into four mainaccording to psychologists at UT-Austin who asked more than 1, undergraduate college students about their sexual attitudes and experiences:. Generally speaking, men seek sex because they like how it feels.

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Women, although they very well may also derive pleasure from the act, are generally more interested in the relationship enhancement that sex offers. Researchers describe these differences as body-centered versus person-centered sex.

10 big differences between making love and having sex

As men reach their 40s, 50s, and 60s, their relationship becomes more important. Richard Carroll has been counseling couples with sexual issues for more than two decades. Despite these general observations, research also suggests that there has been a big convergence in sexual attitudes among men and women in recent years.

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InJanell Carroll and colleagues found that most college-aged males had casual sex for physical reasons without emotional attachments. She repeated many of the same study questions to a new audience in Stressed out? Have sex.

Difference between making love & having sex

Stress reduction is one of the leading reasons Americans, particularly men, say they have sex, Richard Caroll says. Understanding why people seek sex is not always a simple task. Most studies have involved college undergraduates, a "sample of convenience" for university researchers but one that is often very limiting.

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Young men and women typically haven't been in very committed relationships and are in the process of discovering their sexuality. Their answers to "why do you have sex" are often greatly tied to the image of themselves and their social relationships, says Richard Carroll.

Here's the difference between making love & having sex, according to sexperts

This can change over time. It helps us understand what's going on in the sexual relationship and treat sexual disorders. Very often, you find the source of the problem can be traced to the particular motivation," Richard Carroll says. Wired for Sex "We are programmed to do so," sex therapist Richard A. Motivations generally fall into four mainaccording to psychologists at UT-Austin who asked more than 1, undergraduate college students about their sexual attitudes and experiences: Physical reasons: Pleasure, stress reliefexercisesexual curiosity, or attraction to a person Goal-based reasons: To make a babyimprove social status for example, to become popularor seek revenge Emotional reasons: Love, commitment, or gratitude Insecurity reasons: To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a sense of duty or pressure for example, a partner insists on having sex.

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Continued The Difference Between the Sexes Generally speaking, men seek sex because they like how it feels. Body-centered sex is when you have sex because you like the way it makes your body feel.

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You aren't concerned with the emotions of your partner. Person-centered sex is when you have sex to connect with the other person.

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You care about the emotions involved and the relationship. Continued Why Study Sex? But such knowledge can improve a couple's sex life. Could I have CAD? Missing Teeth?

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In films and TV shows, the hottest sex is usually shown as the preserve of one night stands and friends finally revealing that they fancy each other after months of secretive stares and flirty chat.


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It's not a big secret: There is a difference between making love and having sex.


Take a moment and think back to the beginning of your relationship.