Jessie

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Information

  • Years:
  • I'm 34 years old
  • Nationality:
  • Syrian
  • What is the color of my hair:
  • Red
  • My body features:
  • My figure features is slim
  • Piercing:
  • None
  • Body tattoos:
  • None
  • Smoker:
  • No

About

Do you ever look at some of the girls that pop up on your Instagram feed and think to yourself, How is it that they always look so good? It's literally my job to write about fashion and even I find myself in a state of envy over their polished and stylish ensembles on the regular.

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in with Facebook in options. Goodre. Want to Read saving….

Want to Read Currently Reading Read. Error rating book. Refresh and try again. Gone Girl Quotes Showing of Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Men actually think this girl exists.

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For a long time Cool Girl offended me. But maybe love, real love, also gives you permission to just be the man you are. No relationship is perfect, they say — they, who make do with dutiful sex and gassy bedtime rituals, who settle for TV as conversation, who believe that husbandly capitulation — yes, honey, okay, honey — is the same as concord. Your petty demands simply make him feel superior, or resentful, and someday he will fuck his pretty, young coworker who asks nothing of him, and you will actually be shocked.

Give me a man with a little fight in him, a man who calls me on my bullshit.

But who also kind of likes my bullshit. Those awful if only relationships: This marriage would be great if only… and you sense the if only list is a lot longer than either of them realizes. As I go to endless rounds of parties and bar nights, perfumed and sprayed and hopeful, rotating myself around the room like some dubious dessert.

He gets me. She gets me. So you suffer through the night with the perfect-on-paper man — the stutter of jokes misunderstood, the witty remarks lobbed and missed. You spend another hour trying to find each other, to recognise each other, and you drink a little too much and try a little too hard. And you go home to a cold bed and think, That was fine. And your life is a long line of fine.

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Not a whining, restless child's boredom although I was not above that but a dense, blanketing malaise. It seemed to me that there was nothing new to be discovered ever again.

Our society was utterly, ruinously derivative although the word derivative as a criticism is itself derivative. We were the first human beings who would never see anything for the first time. We stare at the wonders of the world, dull-eyed, underwhelmed. Jungle animals on attack, ancient icebergs collapsing, volcanoes erupting. I can't recall a single amazing thing I have seen firsthand that I didn't immediately reference to a movie or TV show. A fucking commercial.

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I've literally seen it all, and the worst thing, the thing that makes me want to blow my brains out, is: The secondhand experience is always better. The image is crisper, the view is keener, the camera angle and the soundtrack manipulate my emotions in a way reality can't anymore. I don't know that we are actually human at this point, those of us who are like most of us, who grew up with TV and movies and now the Internet. If we are betrayed, we know the words to say; when a loved one dies, we know the words to say. If we want to play the stud or the smart-ass or the fool, we know the words to say.

We are all working from the same dog-eared script.

It's a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless Automat of characters. And if all of us are play-acting, there can be no such thing as a soul mate, because we don't have genuine souls.

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It had gotten to the point where it seemed like nothing matters, because I'm not a real person and neither is anyone else. I would have done anything to feel real again. I carry on an inner monologue, but the words often don't reach my lips.

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I love you. But he said, 'Because I feel sorry for you.

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I contain and compartmentalize to a disturbing degree: In my belly-basement are hundreds of bottles of rage, despair, fear, but you'd never guess from looking at me. Spouses see every awful last bit. That's the rule, everyone says so. But if love has no boundaries, no limits, no conditions, why should anyone try to do the right thing ever?

If I know I am loved no matter what, where is the challenge? I am supposed to love Nick despite all his shortcomings.

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And Nick is supposed to love me despite my quirks. But clearly, neither of us does. It makes me think that everyone is very wrong, that love should have many conditions.

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Love should require both partners to be their very best at all times. And then we'd say, Yeah, he's a Cool Guy. We complete each other in the nastiest, ugliest possible way.

Our kind of love can go into remission, but it's always waiting to return. Like the world's sweetest cancer. And you go home to a cold bed and think, 'That was fine'. You are an average, lazy, boring, cowardly, woman-fearing man. Without me, that's what you would have kept on being, ad nauseam. But I made you into something. You were the best man you've ever been with me. And you know it.

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The only time in your life you've ever liked yourself was pretending to be someone I might like. Welcome back. Just a moment while we you in to your Goodre .

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