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More recently, a plethora of market-minded dating books are coaching singles on how to seal a romantic deal, and dating apps, which have rapidly become the mode du jour for single people to meet each other, make sex and romance even more like shopping. The idea that a population of single people can be analyzed like a market might be useful to some extent to sociologists or economists, but the widespread adoption of it by single people themselves can result in a warped outlook on love. M oira Weigelthe author of Labor of Love: The Invention of Datingargues that dating as we know it—single people going out together to restaurants, bars, movies, and other commercial or semicommercial spaces—came about in the late 19th century. What dating does is it takes that process out of the home, out of supervised and mostly noncommercial spaces, to movie theaters and dance halls. The application of the supply-and-demand concept, Weigel said, may have come into the picture in the late 19th century, when American cities were exploding in population. Read: The rise of dating-app fatigue.


These are the core obsessions that drive our newsroom—defining topics of seismic importance to the global economy.

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Our s are made to shine in your inbox, with something fresh every morning, afternoon, and weekend. As someone who writes often about emotional labor, I advocate for everyone to step up and do this type of work.

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I believe wholeheartedly that we need to shift the balance in the invisible mental and emotional load women most often carry: keeping track of the schedules, tuning into the emotions of those around them, noticing and delegating or doing household work in a way that keeps everyone comfortable and happy. But it can sometimes be hard for women to give up this work.

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We could and, the questioner usually implies, we should let some things go. Maybe we are standing in our own way by demanding unreasonably high standards.

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What about that? In truth, there are more nuanced reasons women engage in maternal gatekeeping the term technically applies only to women with children, but women can exhibit the behavior in households without them. From childhood, women are bombarded with cultural messaging that tells us we are the only ones qualified for this work.

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Though none of these assertions are scientifically true, our culture reinforces them as fact, and this prophecy becomes self-fulfilling as we grow up and take on adult lo of responsibility. We get it in our he early that we are better at emotional labor, and over time and with endless practice this becomes true.

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We tend to figure out the best way to care for those around us, the best way to keep everything running smoothly. Most women can easily recall a time when her partner let her down, when her standards were deemed unnecessary and consequently ignored.

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So how can we move past maternal gatekeeping into a more healthy, collaborative partnership? Developing a set of shared standards for how partners are going to show up for their shared life needs to be based on what is going to best benefit both parties and the rest of the family, if applicable. That means both partners practicing self-awareness, and for men in particular, an awareness of how their partner keeps things running smoothly. Men can open up the conversation, too.

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We have to meet in a place that makes sense for everyone. stories here.

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These are some of our most ambitious editorial projects. From our Special Project. Women and their allies are taking bold steps towards achieving gender equality in the workplace.

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By Gemma Hartley. Published June 18, This article is more than 2 years old. me up.

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